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"Jimma ponders life from the shitter..........If you want to pass comment on any of the subjects in this blog, then please email us at [email protected]"

24th November 2011:


I'm a bit worried that my two kids might end up vegetarians like their mother. I've already got my ambitions sorted for both of them. My son, I would like to captain England at football or cricket, or even both, and for my daughter, I would like her to be a pro tennis player (I'd be just like Jelena Dokic's old man!), but how can they do that if they are not getting their iron through meat etc. I said this to my missus and exclaimed "C'mon, what bloody sportsman has ever done anything, being a bloody vegetarian?!" Later that day she came back at me....how about one 9 Olympic Gold Medal Winner, and in both Track and Field...... Mr Carl Lewis, who sometimes, even went vegan before an event......Bloody Google!




Can I just have a quick moan about something.......well fuck it, I'm going to whether you like it or not. It winds me up when shops price things at £4.10 or $5.20, and when you don't have the correct money or the odd change, the staff member seems almost annoyed or letdown by you......well don't make such a stupid fucking price then! If I had the correct money, then I would fucking give it to you wouldn't I. Do you think I want a pocket full of shrapnel weighing me down!?! Why can't we have things at whole amounts, like a fiver or a tenner? At the recent Ashes Series in Australia, the beers were priced at $4.10, and the staff were asking for the correct money to cut the obligatory queues down.....Have a think!! Also in Australia they sometimes price something up at $8.47 but only have small dominations of 5 cents. So what's the bloody point of that!?!


barcelona mario_balotelli 


Great games this week in the Champions League, especially Barcelona's 3-2 win in Milan against AC and also the Napoli and Man City match. There was so much intensity and so much class on show in the San Siro. I had some money on a 2-2 draw, and obviously came very close, but the game was so good that I forgot about the cash and just enjoyed the show.


In Naples it was end to end stuff, but the home side just about deserved the win. And I won forty quid on the 2-1 result, which was a result for yours truly. Although I wanted City to win, I just thought Napoli are too strong at home and that City seemed a bit cocky going into the game.




Nice to see Harry Redknapp back in the dugout after his heart operation, but he still looked a bit dodgy....well worse than normal! I'm not one of these Pompey fans who slag him off. Although his big-spending (on wages mainly) and dodgy tax evasions brought the club to its knees, he also gave us the best half a dozen seasons in my lifetime. I also don't blame him for joining Spurs. They are a much much bigger and much much better club than us, and he more than anyone knew the financial shit sandwich that was about to be served-up at Portsmouth.


It was a good performance by Spurs in their 2-0 defeat of Aston Villa, but as soon as I saw the Villa line-up with a defensive midfield and no Charles N'Zogbia, I knew they weren't going to trouble the home side.


Redknapp was more or less a shoe-in for the England manager's job, but this tax evasion court case, from his time at Pompey, might balls that up big time. I quite fancied seeing him at the helm, assisted by Tony Adams and Kevin Bond, though he would probably struggle when it was explained to him that he couldn't buy any of the players from other countries!


If it isn't Redknapp and it's going to be an Englishman in charge, then I would like to see some double-acts given a go, like Roy Hodgson & Paul Ince, Sir Trevor Brooking & David Beckham, Terry Venables & Stuart Pearce, or Sir Bobby Charlton & Alan Shearer. I'm not interested in anyone else, but if it didn't have to be an Englishman, then it could only be Arsene Wenger. He's a professor of the game and his teams play delightful football to watch, and let's face it, after thirteen years of living and working in London, he's an honoury Englishman anyway. Again, he could have Tony Adams and even Glenn Hoddle as his assistants; both bloody bonkers as a box of frogs, but it could just work.................




Arsenal are definitely back on track, thanks obviously to Robin Van Persie's goals, but also having a settled side. Gervinho and Theo Walcott have been superb either side of the Dutchman, with the midfield trio of Arteta, Ramsay and Song, complimenting each other beautifully behind them. The back four is still a bit shaky, though that's been the case for the last half a dozen seasons. Vermaelen coming back has made a difference, but Mertesacker hasn't looked the player everyone expected of him, seemingly being dragged down by the curse of the travelling German defender, who when purchased seems a good buy, but end up shite.....think Metzelder (Real Madrid) and Boateng (Man City), to name a couple.


All of a sudden they have a decent squad and like-for like back-ups. Frimpong and a returning Diaby and Wilshere take care of the surrogate midfield, with Rosicky and Benayoun backing-up the creative Arteta, while the wide areas are taken care of by Arshavin and Oxlade-Chamberlain. It's just that there is no real replacement for Van Persie and you just know that those fragile ankles will get a battering at some point this season.




A great win for Liverpool at Chelsea. I kind of expected it, as they do step-up for these big games. It's the so-called ‘smaller' games where they come unstuck. If they had turned the home draws against Sunderland, Norwich and Swansea into wins, then they would be challenging Man U for runners-up spot! Liverpool look a better side with Bellamy in it, and with Kuyt's added work-rate. Maxi Rodriguez proved what a great team-player he is too, starting his first league game this season at Stamford Bridge, which he could feel very hard-done about, but he hasn't moaned or groaned one bit, or even refused to leave the bench to warm-up, like his Argentine team-mate Tevez.




By the way, who's that gorgeous bit of fluff that sits behind Villas-Boas on the Chelsea bench...any ideas??


wigan sian_massey


The past few weeks have highlighted the poor standard of refereeing and the even worse standards of linesmen these days. Perfectly good tackles being punished, penalties being given that shouldn't, penalties not given that should, and basic all-round fuck-ups by the linesmen, sometimes not even noticing someone taking a corner and passing it to himself, before crossing for his team-mate to put the ball in the net!


It's the linesmen who get my back-up the most. At least it's keeping them out of trouble on a weekend, cos half of them look like child or sex abusers to me! The only two that are any good is that bird Sian Massey, and the little bald bloke who follows Howard Webb around everywhere......oh and that fella who looks like Harold Steptoe.




Although Newcastle lost at leaders Man City, I thought they gave a very good account of themselves, and let's not forget that two of City's goals were penalties. Ben Arfa looked really good and was great to see him back. I feel if they do go out and get a good striker in the January transfer window, then there's no reason why they can't challenge for the last Champions League spot. I'd be interested to know the percentage of Newcastle fans that actually like Alan Pardew now. One thing's for certain though, is that it was fucking disgrace when they re-named the ground...I'm not even going to dignify it by saying the new name aloud!




My congratulations went to Huddersfield Town after breaking the Football League record for the longest unbeaten run following their 2-1 win over Notts County in League One. Lee Clark's side equalled the 32-year-old record of 42 games without defeat set by Brian Clough's Nottingham Forest in 1979, but then I thought, hang-on a sec, they lost the League One Play-Off Final to Peterborough last season. How can they claim that record!?! Surely the Play-Off Final is classed as a league game?! Poor Cloughie must be turning in his grave or least dropped his bottle of Scotch!




Down Under, A-League side Brisbane Roar is going for a record of their own. Last week's win in Newcastle equalled the 74-year-old record of 35 unbeaten games set by NSW Rugby League club Eastern Suburbs in the late 1930s. Avoiding defeat this weekend will see the Roar surpass that achievement and become the most unbeatable sporting club that Australia has ever seen. Although the A-League is probably the same standard as League Two in England, it's still an achievement to be proud of. Although they have a bloody silly name, they're kind of my team in Oz, so I hope they do it...go on the Roar....Grrrrrrrr



18th November 2011:


..........So here I am once more.......and sorry its been a while.


gervinho peter_gabriel


A few little thoughts before I start on a rant. Anyone seen the likeness between Arsenal's Ivory Coast starlet Gervinho and Peter Gabriel in his early 1970's Genesis days? The ridiculous centre-partings and massive foreheads are uncanny!?!




Another thing got me thinking, and it's about Toy Story. My two-year old daughter has just started watching movies and Toy Story 3 is her favourite, well it's the only bloody one she'll watch, over and over again. It's a great film, but once you've seen it ten times in a week, it starts to make your arse ache. Anyway, the kid whose toys they are, called Andy, is a soppy little twat. You never see him playing with other kids, only those toys, and in one scene, he even spent his whole own birthday party with the toys and not a friend in sight.....it's fucking tragic! He needs a male influence in his life and I don't mean Woody or Buzz Lightyear! I've forgotten the story behind that in the first film.....did his dad die or just bugger off?!? I feel awful now!

Anyway, when his bottom lip starts quivering when his toys are being thrown in the attic at the age of seventeen, it makes you just want to bully the poor little fucker. Oh yeah and one scene at the start of the film shows where his mum bursts into his bedroom to catch him playing with Woody and co....c'mon mate, your mum should be catching you playing with your own woody, not a fucking wooden cowboy....grow up soft lad!!!


evra_suarez barcelona_sevilla ferdinand_terry


Another things that's tragic is the seemingly breakout of racism in European football, not to mention in Kiwi golf caddies! Well it's always been an issue in the likes of Spain, Italy and definitely the Eastern Bloc, but in the last month, there has been two major incidents in the Premier League, and I think we all hoped that was definitely a thing of the past.


It started at Anfield when Liverpool's Luis Suarez was accused by Man Utd's Patrice Evra of calling him a ‘negrito' on more than ten times in the one match. Today Suarez has been charged with racial assault by the FA, after the Uruguayan admitted to saying that word, but pleaded that this was not a racist word in South American. To be fair to the goofy striker, he can't have really known what an insulting word it was in Europe if he was going to say it ten times in one of the biggest club games of the year in Europe. Evra has always been a pain in the arse too, and he seemed to be spoiling for a fight at Anfield even before a ball was kicked, and racist trouble just seems to follow him around...think back to that fight with the Chelsea steward and his time as French captain.....perhaps he's just an annoying twat and just happens to be black. Either way there is no place for any kind of racism in football, sport or society. Suarez's punishment should be to attend a North London R'n'B nightclub for two months straight and watch ‘Roots' from start to finish. Suarez has to be the most hated man in Africa, beating even the likes of Mugabe and Gadaffi!!


Not long after that, there was the trouble in La Liga between Barcelona's Cesc Fabregas and Sevilla's Freddie Kanoute. It was at first thought that there was a racial element to it, but by the end of the evening, both had made up on Twitter and no racial undertones were mentioned again. I hope it was just a case of the ex-Arsenal skipper and ex-Spurs striker, fighting over North London bragging rights.


And then of course we had the Anton Ferdinand and John Terry incident at Loftus Road. That's a real murky one. If Terry is found guilty then that's him fucked for good with England surely. He does seem confident that he didn't say anything amiss and the Ferdinand brothers has been fairly quiet about it all, and even Ashley Cole who was in earshot hasn't spoke out. On one hand if he is found guilty it would be a shame for England as he's a decent centre-half and one player who does actually seem to give a fuck, but on the other hand, he doesn't seem a stand-up gent does he and no England captain should ever, ever be a racist. I'm surprised Rio hasn't started stirring the pot yet, cos the only way he's going to the Euro's is as a BBC pundit or if Terry is out on his racist ear.


tevez_bench wayne_rooney


There seems like there's more fuckwits than ever in football these days, the current ones make Ashley Cole and Joey Barton look like model pros! From Tevez's sulky refusal to come off the bench for City and his complaints about Manchester (have a look at your own Buenos Aries mate!), to Wayne Rooney's pathetic yet predictable sending off for England, meaning he'll miss the group stages of the Euros, to the racist idiots of late, to the biggest fuckwit of them all......


Mr Sepp Blatter........ sepp_blatter




20th September 2011:




I'm not a big rugby fan, but I'm loving this World Cup. Every game has been very competitive, even though some of the scorelines might not suggest that. Most of the so called minnows have performed superbly and it's just been at the end of the games where they start breathing through their arses, that the more illustrious nations go over for an extra couple of tries. Mind you that's obviously not helped by the fact that the smaller rugby nations have only been having a four day turnaround between matches as opposed to the seven days rest the big nations get.


The beauty of these minnows playing well is that there is a killing to be made at the bookies, using the handicapping system (and I don't mean the handicapping system that some dodgy bookmakers might use to get their debts in). I've won a fair bit and been mightily close so far doing these handicap bets in an accumulator. You usually get 2/1 on these nations to win with a plus thirty point start.


Of course the hosts New Zealand are looking good already, but there's always the accusation of them choking it at the semi-final stage. I love watching them do the haka pre-match. It's great seeing them so fired up and with so much pride in their country and heritage. As it's quite an aggressive ritual, I don't see any issue with an opposing nation squaring up to them while their doing it. I remember England doing at Twickenham and Wales doing it in Cardiff, but you have to back it up with a winning performance, which both sides actually did.


Maybe we should do our own ritual before the game to intimidate the opposition......maybe a spot of Morris Dancing or a bit of the Okey-Cokey. And if we need to spice things up a bit maybe do what we do best when abroad at football tournaments.....hurling cheap garden furniture in a foreign town square, squaring up to our oppos shouting "Yeah, fucking c'mon then!!"

It's a shame the Spanish don't play rugby, cause they could do the Macarena!


There's been quite a storm in New Zealand (please excuse the pun) about England's all black away kit. I don't see what all the fuss is about. It's not as if the Kiwis invented the colour black is it. Mind you, again we'll have to start playing a lot better if we want to mirror the All Blacks in style. So far, we've been pretty lacklustre, but I still wouldn't bet against us reaching the final for the third time in a row. If England don't win the trophy, then I would love to see Wales win it. I've always loved watching their style of rugby since the 1970's, and they've looked really good so far in this tournament too.


I really enjoyed Ireland's win over Australia, even more so because of all of the so-called Australian experts and pundits who didn't give the Irish any hope at all of a win before the game. And afterwards they were the usual sporting Aussies, blaming the referee over the scrum decisions and even the rain for the defeat!





I get the feeling that the top three of the Premier League is already set, and the title will come down to how the Manchester derbies go this season, but you can't really see past the red half of Manchester, pipping their City rivals for the title. Even their second string look unbeatable, smashing Leeds 3-0 in the Carling Cup tonight at Elland Road. Michael Owen grabbed a brace with two superbly taken strikes. I would still have him in the England squad for sure. He's still a natural finisher (as are the likes of Kevin Phillips), and I would rather stake my house on him putting away a last-minute chance at a European Championship, than say Jermain Defoe or Darren Bent. Maybe he needs to move to another club in the January transfer window to get some more game time, though he'll probably get injured again in the meantime!


I think Chelsea will come third in the Premier League, with Spurs and Liverpool battling for the last Champions League spot, and then it's a battle for the last Europa League spots between, Arsenal, Villa, Everton, Stoke, Newcastle and even QPR I reckon. I think they've bought so well and even their bench looks strong, with the likes of Fitz Hall, Jason Puncheon, Akos Buzsaky, Tommy Smith and DJ Campbell on it.



14th September 2011:


England were extremely lucky to get all three points at Wembley against Wales, thanks largely to Robert Earnshaw's open goal gaffe!


We definitely seem a better side away from home than at Wembley. Strange really, as it's not as if there is a bad atmosphere at the ground like there could be before the mid-90's.


I just found it depressing that the midfield resembled the flat and unmotivated one that was out in South Africa last year (minus Stevie G), with Lampard, Barry and Milner, all huffing and puffing, without creating fuck all. At least when Rooney is uninspired, Ashley Young is there to provide some inspiration. I've said for ages how much I think Downing is a decent player, but just doesn't cut it for England.


To me it's so bloody obvious where Capello went wrong at the World Cup....not taking Ashley Young, Scott Parker, Adam Johnson, and Theo Walcott; all who can provide inspiration, a spark, or some creativity.




Anyway, we did look good in Bulgaria didn't we, especially with our brand new away kit. I thought it looked rather fetching, though I reckon it would look better if the socks were the sky blue, the same as the shorts. I was thinking this while watching the game, before I realised how gay that was, when I should be concentrating on the match. I also do get a bit upset when England use their secondary colour as blue (for an away kit or home shorts). I think we should always incorporate red into our kits, like our flag for instance!


Rooney's new barnet is proving wonders isn't it, bulleting headers in for Man U and England from every angle and leaping like a demented salmon. It's definitely his magic rug eh.....see what I did there!?!


Scotty Parker's yellow card in that game was a bloody joke, but worse still has to be the penalty given against Scotland in the last minute at home to the Czech Republic. It was such a blatant dive. I can't see how the match officials couldn't spot it.



A quick thought....why do really posh people like to wear brightly coloured trousers?! I've always wondered why, let alone think about why they love cords and tweed, have massive bushy eyebrows, and have trouble speaking because of the plumbs in their gobs or those horses teeth, which their mouths can hardly struggle to contain................   



1st September 2011:


A thousand apologies for my long absence, lots of things happening, but that's no excuse. So I'm going to have a quick glance back of what's been going down since I last blogged.


Firstly, I bumped into Tim Cahill last night in a Brisbane hotel's bar. I wasn't feeling the best or most chipper, due to a dose of man-flu, so when I underwhelmingly said "Mr Cahill" when he walked past, he looked most un-impressed, probably thinking I was someone issuing a court order. Perhaps he looked so peeved cos he'd just found out his mate Mikel Arteta was on his way to Arsenal. Anyway I shook his hand and wished him luck for tomorrow night's World Cup qualifier vs Thailand, and was mildly surprised how unmanly his handshake was............


Well, most recently was the closing of the transfer window. Arsene Wenger was very busy after their Old Trafford mauling, and I think he's done well with his purchases. Arteta and Yossi Benayoun have arrived at the Emirates as direct replacements for Fabregas and Nasri, and although to be honest, they are poorer versions of the two players gone, they are good acquisitions all the same, and should do well for the Gunners and go some way to placate the fickle Arsenal faithful. The defensive signings of Santos and Mertesacker are also impressive, but I just feel they've missed a trick, not getting in the hunt for Scott Parker, the current England holding midfielder and partner to Jack Wilshere, and a mere snip at five million quid. I also think they need an out and out striker, but maybe Chamakh might come good again.




Raul Meireles, currently nursing a broken collarbone leaving Liverpool for Chelsea, is an odd one, though he has worked with Villa-Boas at Porto in the past. Craig Bellamy back at Anfield is another crazy deal, but one that might work. I can see him having a great few first months, before getting in a scrap with Andy Carroll at the club's Christmas Party, and then it all going pear-shaped!


QPR have bought well too, especially with Shaun Wright-Phillips. I'm surprised he went there instead of Bolton or Stoke, as this move is a bit of a gamble, but I expect the lure of the bright lights of London were a deciding factor. They've certainly been stronger in the transfer market than the other Premier League new-boys, Norwich and Swansea, and I think that might be a deciding factor come the end of the season.


Its quite interesting seeing all the Premier League clubs going transfer window crazy, while the two Manchester clubs (certainly the red-half), are relaxing at the top of the table, content with their lot.


The Championship is already looking like another belting season. I was looking forward to it even more than usual with all three of the South Coast sides, Brighton, Southampton and my Portsmouth, all together in loving harmony. Though with Pompey relying on our 2008 FA Cup winning strike-force of an unfit Benjani and a fifty year old Kanu, and Southampton and Brighton playing flowing attractive football at the top of the table, it has got me more than slightly worried.


Well Barcelona have proved themselves to be the best team in Europe still, with even more added class to their ranks, Uruguay have proved themselves to be the best team in South America, and of course England have proved they are the best Test team in the world.





Let's hope England can maintain the hunger and desire to stay at the top of the pack. I actually think this won't be a problem with this bunch. The strength in depth is also amazing. We had a good side when I was a nipper, especially the batting line-up, but it was never a match for those West Indian sides. We never had any consistent bowlers to help out Ian Botham and Bob Willis. There was talk before this Indian series that captain Andrew Strauss was over cautious and negative. What a load of bollocks! He can class himself up there with the Mike Brearley's and Michael Vaughan's.





Uruguay looked good winning the Copa America which threw up loads of shocks. After their showing at the last World Cup, coming fourth, they can rightly see themselves lording it over their more famous rivals Brazil and Argentina. Luis Suarez and Diego Forlan were great in the final beating Paraguay, who hadn't actually won a game in regulation play during the whole tournament.



larissa_riquelme patty_orue

A Brazilian fan admires the new Nokia420 mobile


Bit of a shame in a way cos that Larrisa Riquelme and her wanna-be Patty Orue, promised to strip through the streets of Paraguay if they had won.



Of course I should also talk about the London riots. I felt so ashamed, disillusioned and depressed over the whole situation. I've felt ashamed to be English before, after some of the recent showings of the over-paid prima-donnas, mascarading as English football internationals, over the last five years, but this went way beyond that.



london_riots london_riots

Panic on the streets of London, Panic on the streets of Birmingham, I wonder to myself............


Lets face it, it was just mindless violence, vandalism, and good old-fashioned looting. Hordes of chavs looting at Footlockers and JJBs, for new trainers and tracksuits, claiming frustration at their poverty stricken lives, would have been quite laughable, if it wasn't so tragic.


Vandalising local small businesses and shops is inexcusable, it's shitting on your own doorstep. They are the lifeblood of the community. These businesses are their owner's livelihoods and I bet are hard working and honest working class citizens. Why don't the rioters attack the likes of Starbucks, McDonalds (though that would cut off their food chain), or even the banks and insurance companies in the City.


Unfortunately whenever there is a protest in the UK, a violent element always shows up jumping on the bandwagons, whether it's an NF rally or an anti-fascism march. We just seem to love mob violence in England don't we!?!


Even in the posh London suburb of Ealing, saw young rioters strutting their stuff....what have they got to be upset about, living there!?


The scenes of riots throughout England has definately shown some of the shortcomings and definately the short of numbers, of some of our police forces, and just how much us English like a ruck or riot....However I do have to admit, that at 15 years of age, I would have probably been roaming the streets of Portsmouth too, trying to loot new football boots, football shirts, albums, singles and 12'inches.


I knew things would calm down once the football season started. We just needed some normality back in our lives, and what's more normal than watching the beautiful game.........



And lastly I saw something, obviously very sad, but also really bizarre when I saw a photo of Hiroshima in 1945 after the atomic bomb, and a photo of Hiroshima in 2011, after the Tsunami...................


hiroshima_1945 hiroshima_2011


..................and it got me thinking, what the fuck is that monument made of ??!!!!??................



27th June 2011:




Watched the superb CONCACAF Gold Cup Final between the USA & Mexico. It was so refreshing seeing a major final played out with such excitement and attacking flair. Something we can only dream of for a World Cup or Euro final. Let's hope the Copa America can produce some samba magic next week. The Yanks went into a two goal lead against the run of play before the Mexicans came storming back, to win 4-2, with the last goal, an absolute stunner from Barcelona & Spurs reject Giovani Dos Santos. The movement of the front four of Dos Santos, Javier Hernandez, Pablo Barrera and Andres Guardado bursting from midfield, was scintillating. And they have Aldo Di Negris on the bench and Carlos Vela out in Argentina with the Copa America squad. It reminds me of the youth sides of Portugal & France in the early 90's and more recently Ghana, Germany and Spain, in that Mexico are growing into a good young side at the right time and all together. Mind you, the keeper and defense isn't the greatest, and especially with skipper Rafael Marquez starting to age, but they've always made a fair impact at World Cups and I might put some dosh on them getting to the semis in 2014.


The USA left a few decent players on the bench, but Mexico were a step up in class. Poor Everton keeper Tim Howard was getting more infuriated with his defenders each time his penalty area and goal was penetrated by a Mexican. If Tim Howard and his US teammates weren't happy with the result, they certainly weren't enamored with what transpired afterwards. Howard, performing the tourettes we all hoped he had when he first came across the Atlantic to Man U, cursed tournament officials because the post-game ceremonies were in Spanish. For the U.S., it was bad enough that most of the crowd of 93,420 was pro-Mexican. But while it felt like the game was played at Azteca Stadium, the match was held at the Rose Bowl in the U.S.


"CONCACAF should be ashamed of themselves," Howard said. "I think it's a fucking disgrace that the entire post-game ceremony was in Spanish. You can bet your ass if we were in Mexico City, it wouldn't be all in English."



Even less happy, were the US fans, who didn't take long to veer into racism and some God Bless Americas. Here's some forums I went on.........


Steven June 25, 2011 at 11:47 pm:

At 2-0 we should have played an uber defensive formation but no because our coach is a moron. Saddens me that in our own country that a whole stadium is full of Mexicans and only a small group of Americans. When ever Howard kicked the ball they said "Puta". I know full well every single one of those Mexicans are illegals living in our country, the country that gives them a job and a home to live in. They left Mexico for a good reason but have the balls to disrespect the country that gave them everything. Get rid of that monstrosity called Chivas USA and make OUR league more American. GOD BLESS AMERICA!



Robert June 25, 2011 at 11:52 pm




Steven June 25, 2011 at 11:53 pm

how? please inform me where i spouted anything racist.



Robert June 25, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Please look up the word xenophobe, dummy.



Steven June 25, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Xenophobe and racism are similar in that they don't like something that different.


FTJ June 25, 2011 at 11:58 pm

Xenophobic? It's the truth. Mexicans immigrate here because their country sucks and it is clearly better here. Is that a lie? I mean if Mexico is all that great as they flaunt, then why are they living here?

Guarantee if the US was better than they are, you'd see more brown people wearing white. Thank your stars you aren't getting shot at everyday like most of your former compatriots.



21st June 2011:


Has anyone else noticed, that in TV cop shows, when they are doing a briefing in the office, with the boss cop stood out the front, only the other main characters in the show have anything to say or offer. While they sprout off with their theories or explainations, the other fukwits in their police force/department just sit idly on the side of their desks with notepads and pens at the ready, nodding like zombies, before taking to the phones as soon as the boss yells to get 'fuckin busy'. I watch alot of TV cop shows, and everyone is exactly the same.....is it that they don't want to pay the 'extras' any extra for a line or two of dialogue ?!? 



14th June 2011:


I'm back on the subject on when how you tell people about a hobby or maybe something that you do or did do in the past, that even yourself think is weird and they admit to doing the same. It exhilarating, liberating and just about justifies whatever bizarre stuff you've been up to. You thought you were the only person in the world who did that and now you find out, you're not alone. So after my foot fetish as a kid and wiping my bum the completely wrong way; two other old rituals have cropped up recently that I share with another.


The first was when a mate of mine, Leon, explained how before he learnt the noble art of masturbating, would lay front down in his bed, with his penis tucked upwards, so that when he manoeuvred up and down, his lad would rub against the bedsheets and his belly, until, well he, spilt his man...or should I say boy, custard.........And, well yes, I used to do exactly the same thing. I also have vague recollections of my parents telling me off about this, as my bedsheets must have been like cardboard! I have to hold my mucky hands up, to having a kind of darkish stripe on the underside of my shaft. I always assumed it was some kind of quirky birth mark, but thinking about it now, I reckon it's a friction burn after years of bedsheet/belly abuse as a curious young boy!


The other act is also embarrassing. I would get a Subutteo goal and place it against a wall inside my house, and then I would have two teams of four players, one made up of toy soldiers, who were a mixed bunch consisting of a US marine, a German Afrika Corp, a Ghurkha, and an Anzac infantryman. The other team were like the Harlem Globetrotters, made up of a Red Indian and cowboy (good to see them getting along in a team environment), a little rubber gnome that sat on the end of a pencil and another German toy soldier, but was Wehrmacht, and holding one of those kind of stick hand-grenades and was a different colour to the Afrika Corp on the other side. The neutral goalkeeper was a sniper and the ball used, was a marble. I would commentate on every game, scrambling around the floor, smashing the marble into radiators, skirting boards and sometimes, family ornaments. I loved it, but I have to admit that I was still playing this game at an age where it just wasn't acceptable and was getting carpet burns on my knees for all the wrong reasons! I did feel slightly justified and definitely amazed when a friend of mine Ben, stated he also used to play this exact game as a kid and well into his teens.


What was more amazing is that I've met Leon and Ben since being in Australia. To find out that two other lads 10,000 miles away were just as weird as you, is very comforting! 



7th June 2011:




It doesn't take long to be knocked off your perch does it. For the past few years and even past few months, accolades after accolades, plaudits after plaudits, have been bestowed upon the ultimate professional and all-round nice guy and perfect role-model for the kids, Ryan Giggs.


And then lo and behold, it comes to light that the Welsh wing-wizard has been playing away from the missus (with the young lady above) and not only that, but been knocking off his own brother's wife too! Already he's being dropped by all his sponsors in the same way the then squeaky clean Tiger Woods was cut-off from his endorsements and sponsorship income. I have no sympathy for these fellas, mainly because they have the nerve to bask in their ‘good-boy and good-pro' image. I bet Giggs doesn't get vilified in the same way John Terry was though..............



28th May 2011:


schoolgirl schoolgirl schoolgirl ROSIE_WEBSTER


Before you grab the box of Kleenex or put that laminated cover over the keyboard, take your eyes away from the above pictures and have a read of this.


Does anyone else feel that its unfair that women get dressed as naughty & sexy schoolgirls on a girl's night out or have glamour models pouting for our pleasure dressed in the same provocative get-up?


It puts us under immense pressure because lets face it, its utterly impossible to not find the look extremely sexy. And then of course that puts the fact that we are leering at, albeit a saucy older than 16 year-old female, in all purposes a schoolgirl. That ugly word paedophile can rear its ugly head, because if a bloke was to be caught having sex with a schoolgirl and I mean a 15 year-old here, then that's him straight on the sex offender's list. So isn't it weird that we have this image of a schoolgirl thrust down our throats......though of course I am not complaining, but I just feel its unfair to us. It's like when a female has her cleavage on show for all to see, then complains when we stare at her tits.....and I'm not saying they are asking for it or anything, but well, it's something to think about it isn't it.......excuse the pun......




Easter 2011:  


olives coffee


So it's Easter and the great excuse to be a kid again and eat enough chocolate to make yourself sick.


This kind of subject is a pet hate of mine, well as far as people thinking they are more mature than someone else by what they eat and drink....a kind of food snobbery.


This affects me personally and in particular that I don't participate in coffee drinking and I don't like the taste of olives. These two items seem, like no others, to give wankers the idea that they are sophisticated or cultured.


Take olives...people who like them say that you have to have tried them seven times before your taste buds mature enough to enjoy them, and if you still don't like them, then this somehow means you are not mature enough. I could say the same thing back to them regarding Cheddars, but you won't hear me bang on about them! My missus has said this olive ‘seven time's rule to me many times and usually at social gatherings...well I could say the same thing back to her regarding anal sex......she'll have to try it seven times up the wrong un' before she's mature enough to like it, but I bet she won't go for that......I just don't like the taste of olives....get over it !!??!!


And don't get me started on coffee drinking...well please do.....I realise I am in an alarming minority, but all this coffee snobbery, ordering mochiccinos, macchiatos, frappuccinos, café lattes, flat skinny whites, and all that bollocks, does my head in. I believe they are all the same concoctions, but just varying degrees of frothiness. And it makes me laugh how when ordering these different coffees, that they are said with such smugness. The fact that you love coffee and I don't, doesn't make you more mature or cultured than me. Have a think about, most of these coffee drinks are actually childish....you've got sprinklings of chocolate, cinnamon and mint added to the coffee so you actually like the taste of it and then its made all frothy wrothy for you....ah bless.....you might as well put a fucking flake in it too! And this makes you cultured does it ?!? Don't forget it was the French and Yanks who first started all this coffee drinking malarky.


It also upsets me when I hear men organising to meet for a coffee...what's wrong with a pint in the pub.....it's just not British is it ?!!?.....Do you think the likes of Colonel John Chard & Major Gonville Bromhead (Zulu fame), Duke of Wellington, Lord Nelson, Lord Kitchener, Sir Winston Churchill and Admiral John Fieldhouse, got by and made tough and brave decisions while drinking a fucking frappuccino....no they did, by making a brew and having a lovely cup of tea.............grow up you wankers !!!!  



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